Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
