I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
