It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
