I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
