were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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