he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
