why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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