Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
