I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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