the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
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