PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My breasts were aching with rage.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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