Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
