I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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