Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
