I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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