did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well