Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit