Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile

(270): View more from Kentucky

But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.

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(270): Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile (270): But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird. http://tfl.nu/vi1s

Replies (1) Good night (604) Bad night (884)
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(805): View more from California

Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?

(1-805): View more from California

Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.

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(805): Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with? (1-805): Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info. http://tfl.nu/n3dd

Replies (27) Good night (574) Bad night (2564)
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(513): View more from Ohio

She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.

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(513): She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools. http://tfl.nu/fny5

Replies (21) Good night (830) Bad night (3619) Order T-Shirt
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(303): View more from Colorado

The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"

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(303): The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick" http://tfl.nu/klf2

Replies (55) Good night (6119) Bad night (948)
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(425): View more from Washington

My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed

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(425): My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed http://tfl.nu/4mh9

Replies (13) Good night (4952) Bad night (1102)
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(614): View more from Ohio

she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.

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(614): she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer. http://tfl.nu/rq7c

Replies (3) Good night (3510) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
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(912): View more from Georgia

Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony

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(912): Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony http://tfl.nu/e5l6

Replies (11) Good night (4145) Bad night (1252) Order T-Shirt
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(214): View more from Texas

His apartment number was 69. I had to.

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(214): His apartment number was 69. I had to. http://tfl.nu/cn9s

Replies (22) Good night (7971) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
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(254): View more from Texas

In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.

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(254): In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/fy1k

Replies (8) Good night (2813) Bad night (1097) Order T-Shirt
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(925): View more from California

First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.

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(925): First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me. http://tfl.nu/pldx

Replies (14) Good night (2537) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
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(928): View more from Arizona

I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!

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(928): I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas! http://tfl.nu/f207

Replies (9) Good night (3255) Bad night (706)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.

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(778): You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you. http://tfl.nu/kryn

Replies (5) Good night (2425) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
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(951): View more from California

Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.

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(951): Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem. http://tfl.nu/85aq

Replies (4) Good night (2007) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
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(864): View more from South Carolina

He looks like he'd be great Lego character.

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(864): He looks like he'd be great Lego character. http://tfl.nu/ysvh

Replies (8) Good night (1212) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.

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(414): Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking. http://tfl.nu/i6qu

Replies (16) Good night (1583) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt

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