he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.