Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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