she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
