we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
