I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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