So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
accomplished twins. life is a go
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
