can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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