You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
