when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
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I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
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We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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