I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
