Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
