i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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