I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
