I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
