literally had 100 drinks last night.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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