I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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