Say something about gay babies.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
