The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
