Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
