Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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