You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
