The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
