i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
