I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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