I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
