could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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