I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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