For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
