If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
