My room smells like vodka and shame
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
