i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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