Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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