It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
