this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
