he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
