He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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