you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
sex in a hospital.. check
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
