she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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