cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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