And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
