End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
