The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
