Who wears a wallet chain?!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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