I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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