I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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