sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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