am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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