I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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