Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
